What NOT To Do After a Fight
After a huge fight with your partner, the immediate instinct is to freak out and have every single bad scenario run through your head. That’s okay! You’re feeling a rush of emotions- questioning the past and uncertain about your future. The important thing is not to act in the midst of these emotions. Humans are not known to make calculated decisions from a place of sorrow and desperation. Give yourself time to process, even if that means taking emotional and physical space from your partner. This is the time to think about how you want to respond and how you both can get over this. Even if fighting is inevitable, it’s doesn’t have to be dramatic and catastrophic for the relationship. Don’t think you can change your partner- trying to do so is a huge waste of emotional energy and can lead to feelings of disappointment and regret. How can you readjust your thinking and expectations of your partner? What is it that what you want out of a relationship?
In a world where we are encouraged to be EVERYTHING for our romantic partner (and therefore we expect the same out of our partners), it makes sense that we can burn out quickly. The fact that our partner is fallible smacks us in the face and we are left to question how and who we can trust. If we make a life altering decision from that mindset, we can regret it forever. This is why taking space and a bit of time is imperative. Cooling off can give your brain the clarity to think through what is good for your future, NOT to exact revenge or satisfy your anger and hurt.
In relationship therapy, we process our reactions when difficult things happen. We work on how to handle it when our partner disappoints us, but we also bring to light the demands we have put on him/her. Bad things happen all the time. We have the power to react in such a way where we are not debilitated or obstructed, but rather insightful into our own reactions and accepting of ourselves and others.